Oh babyyy I want youuu. LOL I sound crazy. I can’t help but listen to Common’s song I want you. Well gee, you got me soo mesmerized that I don’t even know where to start. Blind. That’s what I was. I had ears though. My hearing was working just fine. I listend to what my friends thought of you instead of listening to my own heart.
My best friend liked you so of course that meant I could never have you. I friend zoned you so fast that it made ur cute little head spin. You know, I honestly think you were the only guy in my adolescent life that I felt perfect around. I mean girls search and the search for love but i didn’t have to fight for you. Everything came natural around you. I guess I miss that the most. I could me myself around you. No acting. I feel I could tell you the world because you would listen. Your charm was on the oneeeee.
At first I didn’t like more than a friend. I really adored you though, oh how you made me laugh. You know that when I sang around you I felt like I was on cloud nine and didn’t realize it. I tried to ignore it because I wanted to be a good friend. Remember that song we were supposed to sing at her party! Just the way you are by Bruno Mars. Little did we know we would be singing it to each other.
Dude!! U wrote poetry, you rapped, and you sing. I still have that recording of you singing on my laptop. But I can’t watch it because I’m afraid it might tarnish my perfect vision of you. That camera doesn’t do your face justice baby! It just doesn’t. I can tell this is going to be my favorite post! I almost want you to read this.
I feel like you were perfect for me! WE had this undeniable chemistry. People around us felt like a third wheel because we were vibe-in’. Even though we were not dating. Did I ever tell you that you had a nice body. I guess I was too distracted by your perfect smile. You had style too! You did not play games with your clothes. You stayed fresh boyy. How I wish you were holding me in your arms right now. You had the nice shade of dark brown skin. Smooth and clean. You had good skin. I really digged those color contacts. Although I thought it was strange for a guy to have them, you rocked those blue eyes boo!
Prom night was hard wasn’t it! We had fun though. I heard later on that you couldn’t keep your eyes off of me even though my dress didn’t fit right, my shoes were broken, and my hair looked an absolute mess. I still cannot figure out how you found me attractive. Damn, you were real. Your date looked 10x better than I did and you still had it in for me. What is wrong with you lol. What kind of a man does that?! You saw pass all of my flaws and saw my soul. Few guys take the time to do that. Scratch that you are the only guy that did that!
All I did was talk about the other guys that I liked. Like that kid who’s name starts with…..a.. J…whatever he doesn’t matter. I blocked him on facebook and deleted his number out of my phone. He doesn’t matter to me anymore. Only you do and now I can’t have you.
You know it’s funny how all of these skinny, slim figured, beautiful girls had crushes on you but you liked me. Why me!? I mean I wasn’t that pretty and lord knows I could have lost a couple of pounds. You brought me this confidence I never had.
Oh! And do not let me forget! How you said Nix my nickname. I mean, a lot of people called me that but the way you said it seemed like you were the only person that could say that. Perfect. Like it was a forbidden word and you were the only person who knew how to say it to do it justice.
I talked to you just the other day after almost a year had gone by since we last saw each other. You said “I couldn’t forget you even if i wanted to” Those words stuck with me. They resonated in my head. Mind blowing you are, you know that. Hunny, you already know I have the same feeling about you!
I just wanna thank yah babe for all the good times. Shout out to your new girl.She deserves you because she saw what I couldn’t before it was too late. Please stay in tough because like I said you were a really good friend.
Keep it real. I wish the greatest peace and love to you. I am at peace knowing I cannot have you but I will always want you. I love you.
Yours truly,
Nix
I only have but like 3 followers so Im going to write how I feel because it makes me feel better. I doubt anyone will get this far in reading this don’t be a grammar nazi. I’m writing how I feel and if I’m in the heat of the moment I will spell something wrong. So hopp off.
Anywayyy. I moved to a city in South Florida known as Weston/Suburban Hell to live with my grandparents. Lets be honest here, school wasn’t working in DC and no one was giving me the attention I desperately needed. Imma smart kid I just need a little extra help understanding things. I didn’t want to play the game of school and just study enough to get fantastic grades. I spent 6 hours in a building everyday, I’m going to learn something DAMMIT! The people there were stuck up. I mean the guys at that school thought they were top notch. They thought they had the bronze and brains. Well at least the ones in my graduating class. I’m not gonna lie though I had the greatest times with some of the guys there. (Nothing sexual so go head and get ur mind out of the gutter) I did meet a couple of life long friends there that I’m glad I have today. However, there were some lo-down, dis-respectful girls at that school. They were so catty, filled with drama, always judgmental and harsh. They always talked about eachother (I’m not going to lie I played some part in that). I mean some of the things those girls said to people. They called people losers as if they were on top of the social hierarchy. Most of those girls will probably end up working at some local DC gov’t job to be real tho. Enough bashing (I feel better nowwww because I got that off of my chest).
I tried to escape that environment to grow and prosper and I thought my grades could get better so I could go to a decent college. Good news! They did. But at a terrible price. I slipped into the greatest depression I had ever suffered my entire life. I had no friends for the first part of the semester. I was too dependent on my friends at home. I would call them very often and pester them. Facebook didn’t help either. I saw them going to parties and dressing up and looking nice. I missed doing that soo much. I mean two of my closest friends threw amazing going away parties. But it wasn’t enough to keep me happy.
I was boxed in a room. I had issues getting along with my grandparents. I had no idea they would be so strict. I met friends and they invited me to the mall and my grandfather would not let me go. I argues for an our with him and ended up in tears. I was so torn. All i could think was is this my life for now on. I lost a lot of social skills, I didn’t know how to express my feelings in a way that wouldn’t offend people. I was used to my cynical grandfather that I just said hurtful things. Deep down I was just hurt and confused and no one, I mean no one was there when I really needed it. I was soo desperate that I would send text messages asking how people where in hopes they would return the favor. I mean no one really wants to hear someone complain. But it was nice to have that once in a while. Usually I’m all about solutions and solving problems. This time I needed the help. I had no shrink or nothing. I had to fix myself all by myself.
I begged my father to buy me a ticket home in october because I was extremely homesick. I spent an entire weekend hanging out with friends. I desperately needed that. I mean it was harsh in Florida being alone all of the time. My friend agreed to have a little party for a couple of our closest friends to get together. I promised my father I would go out to dinner with him and my grandmother. I went with my older brother and I had this friend I’ve known for years and her baby shower was that day. I was going to try and stop by. All of those tings were happening in one evening.
So lets start with my loverly father. A man that hasn’t been there for most of my life and tried to make it up with money and buying me things. But I needed discipline. I didn’t know how to take care of myself because everyone always did things for me. Anyywayyy thats another story for another time. We were supposed to go out at 5 but because they had to do some shopping they were running late. So we didn’t leave the house until about 6. That threw off my entire schedule. I had planned everything strategically. So, my brother and I after we finished are meal left and said goodbye. They had a look like “I can’t believe they just did that!” But whatever I had things to do. So I called me friend who was having the baby shower. she was talking about a fight broke up and she needed a ride home. My brother and rushed over there to save her and turns out she didn’t want to be saved. Typical, seriously though! I mean really though. Part of me was like this is no shock. She pulled stunts like these before. She would call me and say Nik, I need help. I would be there and she would be laughing and carrying on. Thats another story for another time also. So, my other friends planning the get together called me wondering when I was coming. I am rushing for gallery place to carter baron in order not to be rude. I get there and they made dinner for the occasion. I really was full from eating out with my father so I had to decline. I apologized. So one of our friends takes the train from the other side of town just to sped time with me. Ovcourse I was a little overwelhmed with all of the excitement that I began to isolate myself ffrom them. They took it as me being mad about something. I really wasn’t, I just hadn’t been around people like that in a while. Being isolated like I was can really do damage. I didn’t know how to tell them but part of me figured the wouldn’t understand but they wouldn’t listen enough to figure it out. I told my friend, who came from across town that I would spend the night over our friends house so she wouldn’t feel awkward. I kinda wanted to spend my last night with my family but again. I HADDD ISSSUESSS. I’ll make eery excuse in the book but I really felt incompetent at that point. So I left abruptly without much warning. It offended my friends. I thanked her parents for letting hosting the evening and I left. My brother picked me up with his friends. I took them to the pharmacy and then they dropped me off at home to go play games at one of their houses. I had some issues with my mom but I swear after all of this mess. She was the only person that was always there for me during this time. I couldn’t stand he before I left but she became so important to me and she would listem to me when no one else would which was all of the freaking time.
I had an early flight the next morning. My dad was picking me up at 5:00 in the morning and taking me to Nat’l airport. Before I left. I embraced my mother and started crying. I kept saying ” Mommy I don’t wanna go back there. I wanna stay here. I hate that place.” My mother started crying. It was one of the rarest time I heard my mother cry. She is one of the strongest women I know. She said I don’t want you to go back either.
I got to the airport and I started crying and of course my heartless father did nothing. Don’t get me wrong I love that man but the man was never verbally and physically loving. He had issues expressing his love. He didn’t even give me a decent hug. I walked into the terminal trying to pull myself together. I boarded the plane. Still kinda crying I prepared myself for the next couple of weeks until I came home for the holidays.
omfg
AHAHAHAHAHAAH I SCREAMED OMFG. AHAHAHAHAHAHA
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I clicked on the source to see if this was legit. The staff really sent this.
THE staff did not send this guys I just thought they did its a misunderstanding. The source was changed and I did not start this. please stop sending me rude messages!!! PLEASE ITS NOT NECESSARY!
